Fri Jun 21
Don't know why I intended to start a journal today. There is a box of Marlboro on the table, I disassembled it because I have to do a study of the box, inside the cigarette box is written a paragraph of serial number: PF2-G9J-7LM-XKG. looking at the cigarettes piled up on the table, I smoked one on the balcony. I'm supposed to know what I'm supposed to do and what I want to do. But sometimes there are times when I can't do what I want to do, and I don't want to do what I should do. Sometimes the things I want to do are affected by the things I should do, and sometimes the things I should do are affected by the things I want to do. I think what she said has shown an attitude towards the relationship, and that's just my opinion. I responded to my point with silence.
不知道为什么打算今天开始写日记。桌上有盒万宝路，因为要做包装盒的学习，所以我把它拆解了，烟盒内写着一段序列号：PF2-G9J-7LM-XKG。看着桌上堆着的烟，我在阳台抽了一支。我应该是知道我该做什么和我想做什么的。但有的时候有些时候我想做的时候做不了，我该做的事情我不想做。有时候我想做的事情被我该做的事情影响，有时候我该做的事情被我想做的事情影响。我觉得她说的话已经表明了对这段关系的态度，这只是我的观点。我用沉默回应了我的观点。
Sat Jun 22
Not far downstairs from the rental house was a green space, on the balcony just overlooking where people were playing baseball, which I didn't know much about, but I was intrigued by it. There is a church on the edge of the green space, but I had to save myself. Maybe today would be a good day to learn about baseball.
出租屋楼下不远处有一块绿地，在阳台上刚好能俯瞰到人们在那里打棒球，我不了解棒球，但是我对它很感兴趣。绿地边上有一座教堂，但是我只能自己拯救自己。也许今天是个了解棒球的好日子。
Thu Jun 27
Does a diary need to be written every day, and is it only called a diary if you write every day? Flew back to Detroit today to get ready for the weekend move to NYC. Still no, arguably any, positive response from work. Sometimes it's not clear what's keeping me going.
日记需要天天写吗，只有天天写的才叫日记吗？今天飞回到了底特律，为周末的搬家到纽约做好准备。工作上面仍然没有、可以说是任何积极的回应。有的时候其实已经不清楚是什么在支撑我在向前走了。
Fri Jun 28
Today I rented a U-Hual to prepare for the move two days later, hopefully the trip will go well, it's the first time I've driven a big car.
今天租下了为之后两天搬家做准备的U-Hual，希望旅途能够顺利，这还是我第一次开大车。
Wed Jul 24
It's been almost a month since my last journal entry, and I've arrived at my new home in New York without incident. Here is just a record of some of my thoughts. When I was a kid, when I was reading these novels such as Douluo Continent and Battle Through the Heavens, the authors liked to use plumpness focusing on the female breasts as well as the hips paired with a slim figure to depict it. Because of the frequent use, will make the reader will plump think is a kind of positive with male condensation color word. However, after reading other literary works, it is found that plump simply describes a person who is slightly fat and does not represent gender, and its positive and negative meanings vary according to different people's aesthetics. The meanings of words change depending on the user, rather than defining what kind of person the user is based on what words are used.
距离上次写日记已经将近过了一个月，我已经顺利抵达纽约的新家。这里只是记录一下我的一些观点。小时候在看斗罗大陆、斗破苍穹这些小说的时候，作者喜欢用丰满着重在女性胸部以及臀部搭配苗条的身材进行描写。因为频繁的使用，会使读者将丰满认为是一种褒义的带有男凝色彩的词。但是读了其他的文学著作后发现，丰满其实只是简单的在描述一个人是微胖，并不代表性别，其褒义贬义也是根据不同人的审美而不同。词汇的意义会根据使用者的不同而产生变化，而不是根据使用了什么词汇去界定使用者是什么样的人。
Sun Aug 11
I thought that maybe studying together would bring us closer together because then we would have a common goal of learning Spanish, and because of that common goal we were doing real actions. I thought maybe even if that didn't happen, we could get closer in reality by telling our stories (writing about past experiences) in a way that would allow us to understand each other's pasts better. That's why I made the agreement with you to clock in and study every day, so even if you don't fulfill the pact I can get you to promise me to do something, to hear you tell your story, I want to get to know you better.
What you gave me was not only not keeping the agreement to study, but also using deception to perfume the second agreement, this is a very tiny thing, but also a very principled thing.
Just like Rika, knock knock, Kanji didn't respond to Rika, doesn't Rika know in her heart that Kanji doesn't love her? So Rika holds on to hope again and again, but hope in return is ultimately disappointment.
Am I alienating myself from this relationship? Baby, can you call me? Baby, I miss you so much? Baby, when can we meet again? The response I get is I'm playing with my friends, I'm out, I'm not calling today, everything in your life is important, and I'm the one that's least important.
You fill up your life while not leaving much space for me, but seek companionship from me that would have been no place for me to stay. I want to watch a movie with you, even if it's through a screen, I want to listen to a song with you, even if we can't stay together, I want to take a walk with you, even if we're doing the same thing in a different time and space. Even if we stayed in different parks in different countries and videos, doing their own things. You're blaming me for all your problems, why are you so reluctant to face up to your own problems, is it because you get scared of yourself too?
Rika didn't end up waiting for the bus she had an appointment with Kanji for, she took the earlier one and left,
and even now I seem to understand, and I don't seem to understand why she didn't wait for Kanji, because Kanji finally chasing after her,
and maybe I still wanted them to get together from a audience's point of view,
she was on the bus, and she went from smiling, to crying.
my relationship with her ended.
我想着也许一起学习能让我们更加亲密，因为这样我们有一个共同的目标，学西班牙语，因为这个共同的目标我们在做着实际的行动。我想也许即使没有这样，我们也能通过述说自己故事（写过去经历）的方式，让我们更了解彼此过去的方式来拉近我们在现实上的距离。所以我和你做了每天打卡学习的约定，所以即使没有完成约定也能让对方答应做一件事情来听你说自己的故事，我想要更好的了解你。
你给我的不仅是没有遵守学习的约定，也用欺骗的方式去敷衍第二个约定，是很小的事情，也是很原则性的事情。
就像莉香一样，knock knock，完治并没有回应莉香，莉香难道心里不清楚完治根本不爱她吗？所以莉香一次次抱着希望，但是希望换来的终究是失望。
是我在疏离这段感情吗？宝宝，能打电话吗？宝宝，我好想你？宝宝，我们什么时候能见上面？得到的回应也是我在和朋友玩，我在外面，今天不打电话，生活中的所有事情都很重要，我是那个最不重要的。
你把自己的生活填满的同时并没有给我留下多少空间，又向我寻求本就没有我栖息之地的陪伴。我想和你一起看电影呀，即使是隔着屏幕，我想和你一起听歌呀，即使并不能呆在一起，我想和你一起散步啊，即使我们在不同的时空在做着同样的事情。即使呆在不同国家不同的公园里视频，做着各自的事情。
你把问题都归咎到我身上，为什么这么不愿意去正视自己的问题，是因为自己也会被自己吓到吗？
莉香最后没有等和完治约好的那趟车，她坐了提前的那趟车离开了，
即使是现在我似乎明白，也似乎不明白为什么她不等完治，因为完治最终还是追过去了，
可能我从观众角度还是希望他们能在一起的吧，
她在车上，从微笑，到就这样哭泣着。
发完这段话后，我和她之间的关系就结束了。
Mon Aug 12
I feel lost, I don't know how to move forward anymore, I don't know which direction to go, I feel I have lost my efforts, I don't see hope, no one can help me. I don't have the same drive as I used to have, and lately I've been reminiscing about the old days, whether it's carefree skateboarding in Jiangshan, not having to think about anything after dinner, or preparing my portfolio in Suzhou or living with Hengda in Shanghai. Going back a little further, the ping pong table at my dad's old chemical factory, the Nintendo game console I played in the car, sitting on my grandma's tricycle on the way to my grandma's house. I guess it's the fact that the reality of the situation isn't good that keeps me remembering the good old days.
我感到很迷茫，我不知道该如何前进了，不知道该往哪个方向走或者说失去了努力的方向，看不到希望，没有人能帮助我。我不再像以往一样有冲劲，最近我常常会回忆过去的日子，无论是在江山无忧无虑的滑板，在饭后不需要考虑任何事情；还是在苏州准备作品集又或者是在上海和亨达住在一起。再往回走些，爸爸以前化工厂的乒乓球桌，在车上玩着的任天堂游戏机，坐在外婆三轮车上去外婆家的路上。是因为现实处境并不乐观才让我一直回忆起美好的过去的吧。
Wed Aug 14
There was a basketball court by the house where some people would play. I found an empty space in it, the ground is perfect for skateboarding, and I started skateboarding again in the past two days. I miss the days when I used to skateboard with Jiaming in Suzhou.
家边上有个篮球场，有些人会在里面打球。我在里面发现了一片空地，地面非常适合滑板，在近两天又开始滑板了。有些怀念过去在苏州和嘉明一起滑板的日子。
Mon Aug 19
What I miss is just that summer, no matter what I went through, I can't diminish the happiness of that time. But we all know we can't go back.
我怀念的只是那年的夏天，不管经历了什么都无法消减当时的幸福。但我们都知道我们已经回不去了。
Tue Aug 20
Recently, I've been listening to some of the songs I used to listen to at the time. Music has the power to bring me back to that summer. The most impressive one is Jacky Cheung's Black and White Image, maybe I was close to the peak of happiness at that time. There is no way to negate the beauty of the past in the future, but only in that specific time and environment can people achieve such a happy feeling. I think the time at that airport was the last time I saw her. At that time, I cried bitterly as if I had already cried the tears that I should have cried now, and we had all said goodbye properly at that time.
最近会开始听一些当时常听的歌，音乐真有力量，能把我带回到那个夏天。印象最深的是张学友的黑白畫映，可能那个时候开心接近峰值了吧。未来没办法将过去的美好否定掉，只有在那具体的时间，环境，人才能达到这样幸福的感觉吧。说来，当时在飞机场可能就是见过的最后一面了吧。当时痛哭好像已经把现在本该流的眼泪哭过了，在当时已经好好说过一次再见了吧。
Fri Aug 30
Last year, while hiking at Runyon Canyon Park, I met a person who asked me if I had any faith.
I said no.
He then asked, 'Don't you believe in yourself?
去年在Runyon Canyon Park山上见到一个人，他问我有信仰吗？
我说, 没有。
他问我，你不相信你自己吗？
Tue Oct 01
I started working at a matcha dessert shop since yesterday, after realizing that the possibility of getting into graphic design studio was almost zero. The boss is nice, the job is tough, and there’s still a lot to learn. Oh, by the way, the shop's name is MATCHA Café MAIKO.
从昨天开始就开始在一家抹茶甜品店开始上班了，在意识到进入平面设计工作的可能性几乎为零后。老板人还不错，工作很辛苦，能学的东西还有很多。对了，店名是MATCHA café MAIKO。
Tue Oct 15
I have completed the logo design and typeface design for the band "Hang Him to the Scales"
完成了给“秤上人”乐队的logo设计以及字体设计。
Mon Nov 04
On the fifth day of working at the matcha shop, as I was finishing my shift, the boss informed me that I wouldn’t be scheduled anymore. After work, I bought a matcha and purple sweet potato ice cream from the shop and sat on the stone steps by the roadside, eating it for a full half hour.
事实上，在抹茶店工作的第五天，下班的时候，老板和我说，不会再给我排班了。下班后，买了店里的一杯抹茶紫薯双拼的冰激凌，坐在路边的石台阶上吃着，吃了足足有半小时。